Wing Bowl: Presidential Edition
INT. - WELLS FARGO STADIUM FLOOR - EARLY MORNING
[The three presidents stand on a stage, each with a plate of buffalo wings in front of them]
ANNOUNCER
Alright, let's get ready for Wing Bowl: Presidential Edition! We've got Joe Biden, Donald Trump, and Barack Obama facing off in this epic buffalo wing eating contest. The rules are simple: whoever eats the most wings in 5 minutes without vomiting wins! This should be the most intense, disgusting Wing Bowl in history!
[Bell rings. The timer starts]
DONALD TRUMP
(grabbing a wing with his teeth and chomping down loudly)
I'll show these guys how it's done. I'm the ultimate winner!
JOE BIDEN
(using his hands to shovel wings into his mouth)
I've got this, folks. No one can eat wings like me.
BARACK OBAMA
(using a fork and knife to cut the wings into tiny pieces and shoveling them into his mouth)
I've got my own method for eating these things quickly.
[The presidents continue to eat frantically, with sauce and bits of chicken flying everywhere]
ANNOUNCER
And it's a close race, folks! Trump is really chomping down on those wings, but Biden isn't far behind. And Obama is making quick work of those wings with his fork and knife.
[The timer hits 3 minutes]
DONALD TRUMP
(belching loudly and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand)
I can't believe I'm losing to these guys.
JOE BIDEN
(laughing and spraying bits of chicken everywhere)
Don't worry, Trump. I've got this in the bag.
BARACK OBAMA
(calmly continuing to eat, bits of chicken stuck in his teeth)
C'mon Scranton boy, you're slowing down.
[The timer hits 4 minutes]
ANNOUNCER
Only one minute left, folks! Who will be the ultimate wing eating champion?
[The presidents continue to eat as fast as they can, the crowd starts cheering]
ANNOUNCER
And it's down to the wire! Trump is really struggling to keep those wings down, but Biden is showing no signs of slowing down. And Obama is still calmly eating away.
[Suddenly, Trump's face turns green and he starts to retch]
DONALD TRUMP
(vomiting all over the stage)
I can't do it! I can't take it anymore!
[The crowd gasps as Trump falls to his knees, still vomiting]
JOE BIDEN
(laughing)
Looks like Trump's out of the running. It's just me and Obama now.
BARACK OBAMA
(calmly continuing to eat)
Just keep eating, Joe. The real winner will be the one who doesn't have a heart attack later tonight.
[The timer hits 5 minutes. The bell rings.]
ANNOUNCER
Time's up! Let's see who's the winner!
[The presidents stop eating, panting and covered in sauce]
ANNOUNCER
And the winner is... Joe Biden! With a whopping 27 wings eaten in just 5 minutes!
[The crowd cheers as Biden raises his arms in victory, his face covered in hot sauce and bits of chicken skin]
JOE BIDEN
(laughing and wiping his mouth)
I told you I was the ultimate wing eating champion!
[The other presidents congratulate Biden as the scene ends, with Trump still on his knees and covered in vomit, and Obama's face covered in sauce]